Frame of mind...

So I've been working on me. I think we get so caught up in life - with all the ups and downs, joys and messes, chores and work...we sometimes forget to focus on ourselves. I have a hard time taking "me" time, or making any purchases for me. Even clothes and shoes - if I think that the kids need something, I'd rather get them a new pair of shoes than me. Under the suggestion of the counselor we've been seeing, I've been keeping a journal of sorts. It's not a diary...it's a tool to help focus on the positive things in life. Recently, starting in April, I hit a rough patch in life. It's so easy to focus on the negative, because that is the thing that needed "fixed"...and I forgot about the OH SO MANY positive things that are happening around here and in life.
I have a notebook and, each day, I write down three things that are good/went well and three things that I'm thankful for. It's really helped me remember how awesome so much of my life is. As I read back over this journal, of sorts, a few theme really stick out...

• My husband, Mark...although we've hit a very rough patch in our relationship, it feels good that we are working through everything. He is working hard to rectify the situation that he created and to make me feel loved. He's doing the right things. He is making me feel special, like I'm his priority and that feels good. We've hit rock bottom and we are still together. He's my very best friend, handsome, hilarious, intelligent, a good man, a great father, an awesome provider (whether he's working outside of the home or completing our huge list of projects here on the farm) and I am absolutely in love with him. 
• My kids, Tiff, Kait, Gage, Drake and Cora (...and even Kait's boyfriend, David)...my kids are awesome. So different but similar enough to find a lot of common ground between them. When we get together, we often sit around the kitchen table or in the living room and it's loud and so much laughter and teasing going on. They are all healthy and becoming "good grown ups" (in my role as a mother, if I can be friends with my children as they grow up, that is great - but my goal is to create good grown ups...and with that, many times there are lessons to be learned - good and bad). I'm very proud of al of them.
• Work...my job is truly an awesome job. It offers great benefits, is flexible, makes me feel like I'm changing the world a little bit (I manage an energy efficiency program for a utility company), and I'm thankful that I have it. 
• Our home...a year and a half ago, if you read far enough back in this journey, you'll know the struggle we had to find and purchase this home. I'm so proud that we were able to, after all these years, become home owners...and not just to any home...a 130 year old farm house, with a wrap around porch, 4 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bathrooms, a living room AND a parlor, a dining room large enough to seat 20+ people for a sit down meal, comfortably, on 1.3 acres.
• The farm...I love this place...separate from the home, our barn and animals give me so much happiness (and stress..Ahem...talking to you Steve and Itty...but mostly the happiness thing)...but I love to walk out to the barn and call their names and hear the roar of Baaas and Maas that come from our crew of animals. It makes me laugh, every, single time. I'll have to see if I can get a recording of that.

Honestly, I'm a very lucky lady and I'm very thankful for that.

Big cities, big plans, big birthdays and more...

Wow...has it really been a week and 1/2 since my last post? We've been on the go around here. It has been a constant battle with trying to make sure that Steve stays healthy and that Itty's leg continues to heal. On Friday, Mark took Itty into the vet to get her cast removed. We've been trying to get her in with the rest of her friends. But from time to time, she continues to favor that leg. She needs to get used to using it, so we can put her out regularly.
I observed that our livestock guard dog, Ollie, is being a little rough with Steve. I think it is getting to be Fall in the barnyard and we need to revisit the idea of getting all of our males castrated (neutered/chopped). Jester, our other male sheep, likes Flora, our young female dairy goat, a little too much. It's a little bit of a same-sex and mixed species love fest around (which we support lol, but just don't want any animals broken hearts and drama).
This video was taken tonight in the pasture. We let Steve out to play while everyone else (including Ollie) was locked up in their pens. He had a blast, although he was somewhat confused by the notion of it being just Steve!

I spent this past weekend in Detroit, visiting one of my dearest friends. Heather and I have known each other since we were in high school together and although life has led us in very different directions, we've always remained close. In fact, I had the amazing honor of officiating her wedding last fall, in Brooklyn. Her ceremony was at a beautiful venue, under the Brooklyn Bridge, looking back over the city. In February, Heather welcomed the newest member of our crew, London (http://raisinglondon.blogspot.com/) and I FINALLY was able to find a weekend that we were both free and I could make the trek up to Detroit and meet her little man. London, is a very handsome little boy and just such a joy to be around, with his drooly smile and batting his eye lashes - he's going to be a heart breaker. Sometimes I miss those little baby times, but then, when I hear those little 3AM whimpers over the baby monitor, it reminds me that I'm quite satisfied with five children and the youngest being 8! While I was in Detroit, we visited the most amazing Farmer's Market I've ever seen. Eastern Market...if you are ever in the area, this is a must see. I'm so thankful that Mark was able to take care of the kids and animals, without any issues. He encouraged me to go and I had a great time. It's always good to be missed too.

London - looks at those sweet lips!!

Oh did I mention that Heather has an au pair from Thailand? So cool, right? I learned so much about her culture and she even was wonderful enough to make Heather and me an authentic Thai meal before I left on Sunday. Fish, veggies, rice, soup (with pumpkin tips). DELICIOUS! And...how cool is the lettering on her toothbrush container?!

Is it creepy and nerdy that I got excited when I saw these letters? Beautiful right?

Tonight we went and picked up a bunch of hay. We can fit 9-10 bales of hay in our min-van...that's right, we still haven't added a pick up truck or open air trailer to the farm - both are in the greater plan...but down the road a bit. Tonight we shoved 10 bales in - we were worried that with all the crazy weather that we've been having...too much rain in the Spring...nearly drought conditions in the summer...it's really affecting crops (meaning the cost of hay as well). Each bale cost $5 - which mean $50 out of the budget this payday goes to hay, those 10 bales SHOULD last us about two months. Between the grain/pellets, open pasture and hay...our animals are happy campers.

Tomorrow - our oldest son, Gage, celebrates his 14th birthday. FOURTEEN!? How did that happen? He's an awesome kid. Incredibly intelligent, protective of his brothers and sisters, helpful (mostly) and I am loving watching him turn each day into more and more of a good grown up. I just love that kid. Happy Birthday Gage!!

Gage teaching Blue new tricks

Cora, Drake and Gage

Hoping to get back to roofing and siding the barn this weekend - probably on Sunday, since Gage's birthday party is scheduled for Saturday afternoon. Due to life and weather, any of our big projects have been on hold for a bit and it feels good to have a plan of getting back on track.

Steve Update

Well - veterinarians, we are not...But I think we are doing the right thing, as we know how. So as many of you know, or have read (here or on FB), one of our CVM sheep, Steve, has some pretty serious leg issues. He had gotten sick (fever, loose stool MMMM, love to talk about stool lol) - so we put him on a couple days of NuFlor (per the vet's suggestion). After he was feeling better, we noticed that flies were pretty big fans of his poopy bottom...nervous about flystrike, I decided we should get him all cleaned up. So, we gave him a bath, clipped his hooves, applied some Hoof Heal (not Dr. Taylor Hoof 'n Heel - because I accidentally bought the wrong stuff...lesson learned) - I believe it was the combination of him being wet when we applied the solution and not feeling well - so he was laying down a lot...but he ended up burning the fiber on the back of his front legs and the skin - ending with what appears to be a pretty nasty chemical burn. Of course, I feel terrible about it. But we've been working hard to get him healed up. Currently, we've been spraying his legs with Blu-Kote a couple times a day and although it hasn't kept the flies off, it seems to be getting his legs healed up and he's in good spirits. I keep thinking that flies = maggots, and we've found that isn't necessarily true. I definitely have seen flies on the wounds, but we've been watching for maggots and haven't seen any KNOCK ON WOOD and VERY THANKFUL! I'm hoping that his legs will continue to heal nicely and that he will continue to do better and better.
Itty should be getting her cast off at the end of this week and I'm HOPING at that time we'll be able to put Steve and Itty out to pasture with the rest of their farm friends. I don't want to push Steve too fast and put us back at square one - so we will continue to be very careful with him until he is fully ready healthy.

Want more of Fresh Eggs?

Mark and I have been working on creating a Facebook page - find us at https://www.facebook.com/FreshEggsFarm!!
Also, want to see Fresh Eggs Farm from Mark's point of view? Check out his blog at http://marxwellshouse.blogspot.com/!!
Finally, Mark (with some help from me) is starting a blog, focusing on our dairy goats and milk production (cheese and soap making etc.) - Check it out!!
http://goatmabel.blogspot.com/

You'll have so much Fresh Eggs - you won't know even know what to do.

The Power of Positive Psychology

I realize how ho-hum my last post was and I'd like to change that up a bit. I went to the counselor today and realize I need to figure out a way to speak about all the good that happens here and create a better mindset for myself. So here it goes...

• While there are projects on hold (temporarily) - we've accomplished so much in the last year. We've begun building our barn, added a bunch of animals, harvested fresh peas, potatoes, onions from the garden and just today - we harvested a yellow zucchini. YUM!
• My marriage is rocky - what marriage doesn't go through bumps in the road. While these does feel more like a road block, than a bump - I just celebrated 16 years of marriage. We've created a wonderful life and love with each other, with our five awesome kids. I love my husband and if he loves me anywhere close to how much I love him...we'll be good.
• Three of our animals might be sick - but the rest of our animals (along with our children and each other) are healthy. The three that are sick are doing ok. Itty is nearly healed - as I said, at least we got her fixed up and in the cast...she's doing well and seems ready to join her friends in the pasture. Once her cast is off - she'll be good to go. Flora is healthy otherwise - just a nasty cough. We just need to find the right mix of meds to make sure that she kicks it once and for all. Steve...oh Steve...that sweet boy. Once I figure out a way to keep these nasty flies off him - we'll be good. He's a real trooper.
• Work - ahhh...work is work. It's a career that I love. It's really the perfect job for me - but we all have days that our jobs drive us crazy. Let's face it - we'd all love to be independently wealthy. Hoping to some day win the lottery - but for now, it's the daily grind.

So here's to figuring out life, loving with my whole heart, taking care of my family, farm and marriage, and when all else fails, sitting on my front porch, admiring everything we've accomplished.

Stress

Sometimes it all seems too much. I've often compared my life to an act I saw once, where a man was spinning a bunch of plates on the ends of long sticks. As long as he'd spin, spin this plate and then spin, spin that plate - all the plates would remain spinning...but at some point in time, one plate wouldn't spin fast enough and they'd all come crashing down to the ground.

• I've got lots of projects going on around the house...many are on hold for one reason or another. I was hoping to be much further along this summer than we are.
• My marriage, although we are working on things and it seems to be getting better, is going through the roughest rough patch we've ever been through.
• Three of my animals are sick...
• Flora, our baby dairy goat has a cough that she just can't kick.
• Itty, our angora goat has a broken leg (hopefully the cast comes next week)
• Steve, our sheep, has hurt legs - the bags of his legs seem like they are healing up and then he goes out to pasture and his legs get messed up again. They look like hamburger - the flies keep messing with him. I'm so upset...I keep trying to make him better - I think I need to take a basic vet class.
•  Work is stressing me out. It's a long, boring, involved mess - but I'm hoping that it gets rectified soon. I've done nothing wrong...but sometimes that doesn't matter.

I think I just need to go play some Scrabble with my husband and relax for a bit.

38 Years

Me, around 1975-1976

Me, around 1982?

A photo taken of me, by one of my very best friends, while still in high school - around 1991?

When Mark and I were first dating - around late 1995

Taken just a couple of months ago

This morning/early afternoon, while Mark and I were sitting on the front porch, we were talking about my 38th birthday, coming up tomorrow. He asked me to name the top five things I'm proud of accomplishing in my 38 years. I thought I'd share them here.
1) Through all the ups and downs, I'm proud, in this day and age, that after the whirlwind of a courtship (we met each other in Sept. '95, moved in together Oct. '95, got engaged December '95 and were married on July 23rd, 1996) that our marriage has lasted 16 years, so far.

Mark and I, the night we got engaged. December of 1995

Mark and Shelby - July 23rd, 1996

Mark and I actually had two wedding ceremonies...the one in July, so Tiffany and Kait could attend and the other, a larger celebration in December of 1996.

2) My five awesome kids. Mark came with two girls, that I am honored to be able to call my daughters and we have three children together.

Family photo from a couple of years ago <3

First day of school for Gage, Drake and Cora a couple years ago. We were still in our apartment then. So much has changed for us.

Cora, Gage and Drake - just last week.

3) Graduating from college. Mark and I did things a little backward - we got married, had kids and then decided to go back to college. I even gave birth to Cora in the middle of fall quarter one year.

4) My job - it is everything I could ever ask for. I work from home and am able to balance work and farm life...and I'm saving the world, one energy efficient light bulb at a time.

5) This homestead. I am unbelievably proud of this place. It is beautiful. I absolutely love the wrap around porch, the amount of space we have inside, the land, the barn, the animals, the garden and more...

I'm so thankful for the past 38 years...with all the lessons I've learn, from all the mistakes I've made...with all the wonderful opportunities that I've had in life and everything I've had to fight for. I love where I am in life and look forward to see where I am in another 38 years.